I Am Not Afraid
by FireEmblemLugia
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima has always considered himself to be a monster, unable to act like normal person... But all you've ever seen was an insecure guy who just needed a push in the right direction. Can your love for the strongest man in Ikebukuro show him just how human he really is? *WARNING* This is a Lemon One-Shot... Reader x Shizuo.


**I honestly don't know if I did a good job or not, but whatever.**

 **This contains spoilers for the end of the light novel, but let's be honest, the majority probably already know what happens anyway!**

 **(F/N) = First Name**

* * *

It was relatively quiet throughout the large dim room; save for the light sound of raindrops hitting gently against the windows.

The sky was dark and covered with clouds that signaled a soon to be thunderstorm.

But rather than waking up and tossing restlessly when the loud cracks of lightning echoed;

It felt oddly calming.

For some reason, the crashing sound relaxed you, lulling you off into an early slumber...

Of course not without noticing the feeling of another, much larger, body figure laying underneath the tips of your fingers.

A small content sigh escaped your lips at the intimate proximity of your torsos', and you couldn't help but scoot a bit closer to the warmth the other person was emitting.

You stretched your right arm out and wrapped it around his waist, pulling him snug against you, so that your cheek rested on his chest and your bare right leg pressed between his covered ones.

A low growl resonated in your ears as the man beside you stirred and began turning onto his side; causing your head to slide off. But at least now he was facing your direction and threw his own arms around your back in a tight embrace.

Another moment of silence passed before he finally uttered something that instantly made you perk up.

"Someone's being clingy today..." He whispered as he fondly combed his fingers inside your hair.

The hint of amusement in his words caught your attention, so you decided to elaborate.

After all, you were always honest with this man; no mater what.

"I dreamt about it again." You muttered with a small frown.

Once coming clean, you could feel his hand clench somewhat on your scalp, until he quickly realized his mistake and pulled out before returning it to your back.

This time, the silence had been much, much longer until he spoke up again.

"Damn it." He grumbled bitterly.

You sighed and lifted yourself up into a sitting position. The blond instantly reacted to your movements by doing the same.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'll never really be able to get over it. Maybe I could; if I at least knew that he was alive somewhere..." You replied gazing into the darkness.

It had been almost 2 years since the incident where Izaya Orihara disappeared without so much as a single trace.

And regardless of what went on in your mind, you remembered that day so vividly.

In fact, it had been the source of your frequent nightmares for quite a while now.

The horrifying sight of Varona stabbing the helpless information broker, as the man currently beside you held a large vending machine ready to strike the final blow, nearly made your heart stop beating.

And in a fit of blind rage you narrowly avoided sending the Russian woman to her death with an animalistic punch to the face; if not for the "bartender" himself saving her by taking the blow with his hand, completely shattering it along with his entire arm and shoulder in the process.

That was probably the first time since you were both children that the Shizuo Heiwajima needed to take a serious visit to the hospital.

Ironically for the strongest man in Ikebukuro, there was also the strongest woman; who's title happened to belong to none other than yourself.

Although that part of the memory seemed to always make you cringe whenever you thought of it.

After all, hurting the man you loved most in this world wasn't exactly the best feeling.

But then again; you couldn't have helped it.

In spite of it all, Izaya had been your _friend_.

Despite his somewhat antagonistic tendencies, you two were very close.

Only you had been able to get a read on whatever he was thinking; and even though he would've never admitted it, he appreciated having you by his side.

And only you knew how truly lonely and jealous he was of Shizuo...who, unlike him; had been so outwardly violent to nearly everyone he'd encountered, but still somehow managed to make true friends.

Unfortunately, the blond hadn't even realized this matter for himself.

And it broke your heart to see that no matter what those around him said or tried to convince him otherwise; he only ever saw himself as a monster who couldn't control his own temper.

That had to change.

An unenthusiastic groan brought you back to the matter at hand.

"I get it. You're worried. And even though it pisses me off that you actually care about that damned flea, I can understand being upset over not knowing how he's doing."

The irritated man's words caught you by surprise.

"Since when have you been so caring and understanding?" You teased resting your head onto his shoulder.

He scoffed.

"Shut up..."

The brief flash of lightning lit up the room for a moment before dying down again... The sound of thunder following afterwards.

"I still can't believe how big this place is... Why are there so many windows in here again?" He asked furrowing his brows and looking around the penthouse room.

You said nothing for a minute and instead pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and smiled warmly.

"I like open spaces. And the balcony is my favorite part. This is the only floor that has one since it's at the very top."

His eyes dragged around once more; giving the spacious area a good evaluation before settling those beautiful hazel orbs on your own.

"So in other words you like the view?"

He smiled once you nodded hesitantly and pressed his lips against your forehead before pulling you back down onto the soft mattress.

"Now who's being clingy?" You asked while resting your head underneath his chin.

. . .

"Sorry." He mumbled.

But the tone in his words confused you for a moment.

He was apologizing for cuddling? No. That couldn't be it...

"Why are you sorry?"

He fell silent again, almost as if he was struggling to find a coherent sentence.

In a fit of irritation at his own incompetence he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm sorry for being a monster."

Ah, that again.

The pitter patter of rain grew stronger and hit harder against the windows, drowning out all of the silence.

Your fingers clenched onto the hem of his shirt.

"Don't be silly. No one sees you that way." You replied sternly.

A strained chuckle echoed above you; while the small vibrations of it tickled the side of your face.

"Yeah right. Someone who can't control his strength and always snapping at the first sight or sound of something he doesn't like; because no one fears that... Right?"

You lifted your head up to get a better read on his expression.

The hint of despair rang clear on his somewhat dulled out features, and you knew that he was having a hard time dealing with this constant inner struggle of his.

This needed to stop.

Now.

You exhaled softly. Making sure it sounded warm and flighty when it reached him.

"Shizuo..." Your voice trailed off when you shifted your right hand and brushed it longingly across his strong chest.

Suddenly the expression of despair that he previously held, left him in the blink of an eye; replaced by one of sparked curiosity.

Once you realized this, you continued.

You lazily traced your fingers around any of his visible muscles, since he still wore a partially buttoned shirt, and slowly brought them higher.

"If you were a monster..." His eyes flickered and gazed into your own once you began speaking again. Your index finger now traced his exposed collar bone making him shudder slightly.

"You wouldn't be able to feel the pain that you do right in this very moment... All of the fear of being rejected by those you care about; nor any happiness when we're together... Not even pleasure such as this... None of it."

Your hand now tangled itself into his soft blond locks as you leaned down and kissed the bottom of his jawline.

"So then... Tell me Shizuo; how can you still call yourself a monster, if you can feel such _human_ emotions, hm?" You finished; feeling rather proud of yourself in the way that you managed to get your point across.

He hummed softly, ultimately understanding what you where trying to tell him.

So once you stared down at him; waiting for his next move, you were somewhat surprised to see that he still looked a bit skeptical.

"It's not that..." He replied nervously removing your hand and dragging his palm through his hair.

Your eyes narrowed, confused. "Then wha-"

"I'm afraid that one day you'll become scared-"

He stopped mid sentence to turn his face away from you, but you cupped the side of his cheek and returned his gaze back towards your own.

"Scared of what?" You asked calmly.

. . .

" _Of me..._ "

A small 'oh' managed to escape your mouth before you sat up completely.

Your hair fell over your shoulders as you looked at him with questioning eyes.

"What would ever make you think I'd one day become afraid of you?"

He grumbled something that you didn't quite catch and you slowly returned your fingertips to side of his face before suggestively sliding your thumb against his bottom lip.

"Tell me..." You whispered encouragingly.

And even though it felt as though several minutes were passing, you remained patient; knowing that his reply would come eventually.

In the end he finally gave up and answered you with a sad smile, "I don't know."

It had been a response you were expecting.

He was _insecure_.

Plain and simple.

And that was something you'd always understand when it came to this man.

But to you, there was no other person who could be more human, than Shizuo himself.

Perhaps now was the perfect chance to get rid of his lingering uncertainties...

Without any warning, you gripped tightly onto the hem of his shirt and gently bumped your forehead to his own. His hazel orbs widened for a moment, confusion written all over his face.

The feeling of wanting to be closer to the one you loved slowly began building up inside of your chest.

If words couldn't prove how you felt, then perhaps your actions would...

His breathing stilled when your grip on the fabric covering him became unbearably strained. It was clear that he knew what you wanted from him, but he stayed put; waiting for your permission before he acted.

After sharing an intense eye lock you murmured,

" _Kiss me._ "

With that, he immediately tilted his head upwards and warmly pressed his lips to your own.

One of his arms sought out your lower back and pulled your body down firmly against his hard torso.

It was a brief connection; only lasting seconds as your mouths grazed one another a few times before the two of you pulled apart and stared into each other's glistening orbs.

"Do you see now? I'm not afraid of you, Shizuo." You reassured giving him another quick peck.

Suddenly, a mischievous idea sparked inside of your brain.

The blond seemed to realize your change in attitude, because he shifted and adjusted himself so that he had a clearer view of your expression.

Although it didn't do much good since you're face remained rather neutral.

"You know... I've always been curious about something?" You hummed tapping playfully on the exposed part of his chest before dipping a finger into the white fabric and once again kissing him on the jaw.

"And what's that?" He asked blushing ever so lightly.

Your hands wound themselves into his hair again and gave a small tug, gesturing for him to sit up.

Once he got the message and did as you had silently asked, you wrapped your arms around his neck and situated yourself into his lap.

"How is it that you haven't realized how handsome you are, Shizuo...? You keep comparing yourself to a monster and yet; _you're so good looking._ "

A low groan left the man's mouth when; without a warning, you placed searing kisses down his throat and on his exposed collar bone.

"Hm? What are you saying?" He asked tightly shutting his eyes and enjoying the feeling of your touch.

The way his face twisted in pleasure only spurred you on as you teasingly traced your tongue around his left ear lobe and nibbled at it earning a small grunt.

"Really? You haven't even noticed? I never knew you were so modest..."

"Mmm..." He hummed wrapping his arms around your lower back and pressing his nose into the crook of your neck.

But to his dismay, you untangled them away from your figure and pushed him back down onto the mattress.

A look of annoyance crossed his face, that is until you continued.

"Shizuo...you don't realize how much I love you." You pressed your hand on the part closest to his heart and bent lower to kiss him tenderly.

"This here is proof that you're just as human as I am... Can you feel your pulse racing? That's because your body is reacting to my intimate words and gestures, just as any other person would when it came to those they cared about... So don't ever think of calling yourself a monster ever again. I'll say it as many times as you want..."

You halted once the feeling of his large hand sliding down and cupping your backside distracted you.

"Ahh~ I love you Shizuo, so..."

His mouth slammed roughly against yours cutting you off mid-sentence, while he simultaneously flipped your bodies so that you were now underneath him; without ever breaking contact.

You gasped lightly when he licked your bottom lip, and instantly granted him entrance.

A small moan escaped you when your slick pink muscles began to wrestle one another for dominance. A fight that you found yourself slowly losing; not that it mattered.

It was a good minute or two before the blond separated from you, but he made sure to keep your faces close together so that his next words got his stern point across.

"I get it already. So just shut up and let me fuck you."

His long slender fingers began to unbutton your favorite blouse; which reached about to the middle of your thighs. And you couldn't help but notice how much clothing you lacked in comparison.

Unfortunately, your train of thought was interrupted when he started another intense lip-locking session with you.

And somehow in between all of those searing kisses that you exchanged, Shizuo managed to completely discard your top piece and hastily threw it to the ground, leaving you only in a pair of your favorite colored underwear.

There was no need for a bra since you had been wearing a shirt to cover yourself and preferred to sleep without one anyways.

Of course he'd noticed an important detail like that the second it came off, and tried to refrain himself with every single fiber of his being from nipping at the plush mounds and fondling them until you practically begged him to be inside of you.

"Hm?"

You lifted your arm and tugged at his partially open shirt with hazy eyes, and he momentarily stopped his actions with a smile.

"So, you want it that badly huh? Fine." He stayed perfectly still as your hands did their magic and riddled him of the last few buttons hiding his skin.

But you try to didn't pull it off.

Instead, you admired how surprisingly sexy and different he looked with his arms covered but his chest and abdomen visible.

You reached out and pressed your palm over the exposed flesh.

For someone who most thought looked rather slim when he walked around town in that signature bartender uniform of his, the man's figure was unexpectedly defined.

Your hand drifted down to those noticeable abs that had been forever burned into your memory from all the previous love-makings; admiring how solid they felt, and then even lower to the v-shape outline that led to his most secretive area.

He was already half hard by the time you almost dipped your hand into his slacks, only to be stopped when he grabbed your wrist.

"Ah...? Mm...!"

The feeling of his cool fingers on your breasts caught you off guard, as he began to tweak and pull at the hardening buds.

A light moan escaped your mouth when he started to roll his thumbs over the tender flesh, harshly pressing against the erect tips in a way that drove you into a frenzy of pleasure.

You knew that he wasn't one for too much foreplay, but for some reason the sight of your exposed chest always did manage to drive him _absolutely wild_.

So when he bent down and began to suck feverishly on your left breast while he roughly massaged the other, you couldn't help but cry out his name.

"S-Shizuo...!"

A low growl could be heard from above, when he suddenly bit down on the stiff bud causing you to moan louder in both pain and pleasure.

As you writhed underneath the excited blond's grasp, a few mumbled curses didn't go unnoticed when his teeth continued their torture.

Which could only mean one thing,

He was becoming frustrated.

"Haah~ P-Please...?"

You were already begging for more, not even caring how shameless it sounded.

It was obvious that you wanted to feel more of his calloused touch.

Especially in a certain area, that only began to ache with want every passing second he teased you.

" _Shit..._ " Was all the reply you received when he abruptly flipped you over onto your stomach and wrapped his left arm under your waist.

You flashed him a questioning look waiting for an explanation for his actions until,

"Get on your knees. I'm about to make you cum harder than you could ever imagine."

The vulgarity of his words made you blush a bit, but you did as he asked without arguing and lifted yourself into the somewhat embarrassing position, without his strong grip ever loosening.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end when you felt Shizuo's lips pressing against it; placing countless kisses before sucking on a sweet spot that would later leave a purple mark, one you would likely have to cover.

But what really got the blood flowing to your cheeks was what he whispered next into your ear.

"I'll show you just how much of a _monster_ I am..."

You could feel his fingers grasp tightly onto your bottom, as he admired the erotic view of you. Until he remembered the last piece of clothing that covered your most sensitive area.

"These panties are pissing me off. They're in the damn way!"

A loud whimper left the back of your throat when he suddenly ripped off the lacy fabric and inserted two fingers into your tight wet core before he began pumping them at a leisurely pace.

"A-aah!"

Most of the strength in your arms ultimately vanished at the intense feeling of his digits rubbing relentlessly against your walls.

And once he noticed your hands clenching tightly onto the bed sheets, his pace quickened; making you cry out in utter euphoria.

Not only was the sensation new to you; considering he'd never tried something like this before; but the naughty wet sounds of your love juices coating his hand made him feel even more turned on.

His patience was wearing thin as the vein on the top of his forehead became visible.

He thrust harder in response to his own anger and was delighted to hear you practically scream out his name.

But it wasn't until you spoke the words he'd wanted to hear that he used his thumb and firmly pressed it against your swollen clit that you finally found your first release.

"Shizuo! I-I'm gonna..."

Suddenly, everything in your vision turned white as the overwhelming pleasure of your high rang throughout your entire core, making you see stars.

"Ohh...!" Was all you managed to say over and over again as you slowly recovered from your strong orgasm.

A low grunt of satisfaction left the blond's mouth when he pulled his fingers out of your still sensitive folds causing your hips to twitch.

You panted heavily, trying to catch your breath.

"Holy shit. Your cum is covering my entire hand and forearm... Look... you've gotten my sleeve completely _drenched_."

The blush covering your cheeks darkened, but you somehow managed to flip yourself over onto your back to see what he was referring to.

"...!" You noticed the man visibly stiffen, and for a split moment you hadn't known why.

What Shizuo saw though; was possibly the sexiest thing in the entire fucking universe.

Your current appearance was one he was sure to remember for future nights to come.

You looked up at him with hazy, expectant eyes...

He took in how your legs were slightly bent at the knees and how it drew attention to the now soaking area in between your thighs. How your bare chest heaved up and down; and how your left arm rested over your stomach, convulsing whenever you exhaled... And how sexy your disheveled mess of hair looked sprawled out underneath you.

"Don't stare like that..." You whispered turning your head to the side.

"It's a little embarrassing... Eh?!"

The blond hummed huskily as he forcefully gripped your hips and pressed your wanting entrance snug against his clothed erection, earning himself a small gasp.

" _You shouldn't have done that._ " He warned.

Your eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean by tha-?!"

Suddenly you were left breathless as the feeling of his hard, hot member sliding into your core overcame your senses.

How had he even managed to take it out of his pants so quickly?

This time you both moaned in unison at the familiar sensation.

Shizuo shuddered at the feeling before he started pumping into you with a steady pace.

You could feel every inch of him slide in and out of you, making you cry out without restraint.

"Shit, (F/N)..." Without any warning he thrust as hard as physically possible into your g-spot, making you cum instantly. "S-Shizuo!" Your hands desperately gripped the sheets as he continued to pump inside you, riding the strong orgasm out until you calmed down.

You were left panting for a moment, trying to catch your breath.

Shizuo on the other hand, was left a little unsatisfied... Which is why he bent down and kissed you, no longer wasting time and jamming his tongue against your own.

"Nghh, ahh, w-wait...!" Saliva slowly dribbled down your chin as he pulled away, followed by a sticky strand connecting your mouths.

' _How erotic._ ' You thought turning your face away.

"...I still haven't fucked you senseless, yet..."

In a graceful move, he laid himself down on his side behind you, pressing his chest to your back, before lifting your leg underneath the knee, and positioned his still hard cock at your entrance.

"T-This position! Mm~" Your teeth clenched when he rubbed his stiff head against your clit teasingly, sending you into a frenzy.

"So what? All I want to do is devour you, so who cares?" He whispered huskily.

His hot breath in your ear sent a shudder down your spine.

"Nnn, _hurry..._ " You groaned, before throwing your arm behind you and around his neck; pulling him closer.

"You're so cute, (F/N)." He grunted as he reentered you...

This time, he moved with hard fluid strokes, making the burning sensation in your lower belly intensify much faster then the last. The feeling of his abdomen stroking your folds only spurred the building coil inside you.

His heavy panting fanning past your cheek and occasional grunts of pleasure made you realize just how excited he was, since he rarely ever made noise during sex...and it wasn't long until you became a moaning mess; begging him to go _harder...faster_ ; to which he eagerly obliged by slamming himself deeper into you.

" _Haah, r-right there_..." You murmured.

Shizuo then brought up his free hand and began groping at your chest, tugging and rolling your nipple between his thumb and fore finger roughly.

"Just a little longer..." He huffed biting your neck sweetly.

In the heat of the moment, Shizuo angled himself making sure to give both of you the carnal friction needed to push you two towards the edge...

And it worked, because with a few more thrusts your pussy walls tightened around him, which in turn drove him to release his hot thick seed; completely coating your insides.

" _Oh god...~_ " You repeated his name over and over again in a mantra until the blissful feeling slowly ebbed away; replaced with extreme exhaustion...

Your hips spasmed when he removed his now limp member; as your combined juices flowed out onto the sheets. "Ah, shit. Hang on I'll-Mmpf?" Before he could finish however, you pressed your lips against his and intertwined your tongues together in a lust filled kiss.

You then dug your hands into his blond locks, pressing your nude form to the "bartender's" as he cursed a thousand times underneath his breath at the erotic position.

Confusion was written all over his face once you finally pulled away, making you laugh in amusement.

Resting your forehead on his you smiled softly and said,

"I love you... But next time you should let me see your face. It was a little lonely..."

. . .

The room was once again filled with the sound of rain tapping on the windows.

You could feel the sweat from both of your bodies mixing together, but you tried not to pay it any mind when you twisted yourself around to face the man you had just finished making love with.

A warm smile came across his features when you cupped the side of his cheek and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "See? Not afraid. So stop worrying already."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it. So... Should we go shower now? I feel like I ran for a hundred miles." He smirked.

"Only a hundred...?" You teased.

"Shut up... Oh right... About the flea..." He started.

You stiffened a bit. "Look, don't worry about him either. There's a reason why I call him an insect... Because no matter how hard I try to get rid of him; he always finds some way to come back; alive and kicking..."

. . .

"...Pffft!" Suddenly you burst out laughing, causing Shizuo to blush in annoyance. "What's so funny?!" He growled.

It took a moment for you to calm down; and just when he thought you were going to explain, you gave him another kiss.

"It's not that I'm laughing at you or anything. I just find it ironic. You, the mighty Shizuo Heiwajima, are actually _admitting_ that _Izaya Orihara_ is someone you can't handle." You grinned.

"...Damn..."

"Okay, okay; we should go take a-huh?" When you got up to leave, he grabbed your hand tightly, leaving you slightly confused.

"I love you too." He replied smiling, making you blush.

"...Now let's go take a shower... I'm hard again..."

* * *

 **...I'm speechless once again...**

 **But uh, this is the last one-shot for a while.**

 **There's actually quite a bit of plot in the first half, so it took more time.**

 **And this was actually supposed to be a backdoor plot to a Durarara story I wanted to make about an OC, but I ended up not doing it...**

 **So here this is instead!**

 **P.S. I might be taking a leave of absence for a while since I just got a new job, and I need to focus on training for it without any distractions. But it will only be until I get into the swing of things!**

 **Until next time then, my dear readers! ^_^**


End file.
